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February 10, 2012



I totally agree with you on the Chosen Family concept. Just because you are technically blood related to someone doesn't give them the right to negatively impact your children. I'm thinking of the drug addicts and alcoholics in my own family, in particular. Why would I expose my children to such people? No way.


I can't agree with you both! My daughter's birth mom is a drug addict and has been trying to get in touch to see her daughter. I don't know what to do! I don't want to be the bad person in this situation by preventing my daughter from having a relationship with her real mom, but at the same time I would hate to see the negative impact that this would bring. I have been doing some research to help me make my decision and I finding sites like http://onlineceucredit.com/edu/social-work-ceus-cpa provide good information on how to handle situation like these.


Jane, I see your point. Birth parents who are problematic present a different situation -- I would probably not cut them out of our lives completely, because that decision would not really be mine to make.

However, I do think that some of the same rules I discussed can apply. It's still our duty to protect our kids from toxic people. And it's also our duty as adoptive parents (I assume yours is an open adoption?) to try to preserve some sort of relationship with our children's birth parents if we can. That said, if one of my child's birth parents was so toxic that I thought direct contact might be seriously harmful to my child, I would probably set some strict limits on that contact -- perhaps supervised visits only, etc. The problematic person would remain part of our Chosen Family because they are my child's first parents, but our relationship with them would come with rules of some sort. I do think it is reasonable to expect members of our Chosen Family (blood relatives too) to abide by reasonable rules, whether it be "call before you come over" or "don't do drugs in front of the kids."

It is a tricky balance, though, and I don't envy you your struggle. The fact that you're doing your research says good things about you as a parent, and I wish you the best!

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