Chasing A Child: I <3 New York! (only 44 more states to go)

I <3 New York! (only 44 more states to go)

I don't think electronic devices belong at the table during family meals. Yet, there I was last night at dinner, frantically scrolling through the Twitter stream for #NY4M (and I don't even have a Twitter account!). When the final vote came in, I shifted over to Facebook and sent congratulatory messages, replete with multiple exclamation points, to all my gay friends in New York. Then I burst out in tears.

"You're all emotional about this," the Mister observed. How could I not be? My life is full of same-sex folks, many of them in long-term relationships, some of them with children. None of them have had it easy.

A friend in NY is madly in love with a man from another country, but because the federal government doesn't recognize same-sex marriage, even though his home state now allows him to marry, he won't be able to give his partner citizenship by marrying him, and they're having a hard time getting visas, so it's never clear whether or when they'll be able to see each other. It breaks my heart. A second friend grew up Episcopalian in Louisiana, moved to New York after college, then converted to Judaism and came out as a gay man when he was in law school. I was there to see the transition, and watching him grow and struggle into his new identity was a heart-expanding and sometimes extremely painful experience. He and his long-term partner would love to have kids, but because they are both very conservative in their belief systems, until they are allowed to marry, they insist on only having cats. Now they can decide whether cats will be enough for them. Another friend and his partner have adopted two children from two different countries. Years ago, before they had children, they moved from NY to a state where same-sex couples have been banned from adopting. It was a move necessitated by family pressures and medical issues. Fortunately, a court decision overturned the adoption ban, and they were able to become the most devoted dads you've ever seen, but the current governor keeps on pushing the issue, so the political climate is what you might call hostile to their beautiful little family. At least 3 of my interns in the last 5 years have been gay or lesbian. My assistant when I worked in NY was gay, and my current assistant is in a decades-long relationship with her partner. She tells me tales of the ridiculousness that is tax season for them -- our state allows them to file a joint return, but for the federal government they have to file separately, which also means dummying up two individual state returns, for a total of 5 documents when 2 would do for a straight married couple. They've spent a small fortune on living wills, medical directives, and the like -- documents to ensure that if one of them is hurt or killed, the other one will be allowed to take care of them or be able to inherit their property -- all sorts of legal nonsense and expenses that straight married couples don't have to incur. A friend from high school has a gay son. She knew he was gay from the time he was 5, and she loves him fiercely and hopes that his home state of California will someday give him the same choices that NY gave my friends last night. The list goes on and on.

So, yes, when the state where I lived for 10 years grants people I love the right to marry whoever they may choose, thereby doubling the number of people in the US who have that choice, and re-energizing the movement in this vital civil rights struggle (as one woman tweeted last night, "It sucks that someone is voting about my civil rights."), it affects me. It should affect all of us.

Today, my friend with the overseas partner posted a note of thanks on Facebook for all the notes of support last night. "I still can't believe how many people outside NY were following this," he said. To which I could only reply, "Keep the faith. We love you and we've got your back."

Posted at 09:42 PM in community, politics, rants | Permalink