Out of the blue, I received an email. "Hi," it said. "I have 3 beautiful children, dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin. And I have 5 embryos left. Are you interested?" There was more to it, but that was the important part. Suffice it to say that she'd found an old ad that I'd nearly forgotten writing. Here it was, after all these months, a nibble, a chance to have a second child whose genetic history would be available to us. The rush of excitement I felt reminded me that the anonymous donation we've been pursuing with the out-of-state clinic wasn't my first choice, isn't my first choice, has seemed like the only choice available to us. I was resigned to dealing with the blank slate and feeling the guilt of that for the rest of my life, but I'm so much more comfortable with the idea of openness.
I wrote her back, asked for more information, answered some of her questions. And I haven't heard a peep since. It's been only 2 days. I need to be patient. This is a big deal; these types of decisions take time; that letter had to be hard to write. It might not be a good fit, or if it is, she may need time to think. Heck, if she's got 3 kids now, she probably has no time at all. It could be weeks before I hear anything more. It also could be never. She might choose someone else. She might change her mind.
I thought to myself, "Self, the universe is telling you something. You have to get that polyp removed and then wait at least 8 weeks before you can try a transfer. This is why that's happened. You're supposed to have this conversation, feel these feelings, explore this opportunity."
That universe and its mysterious ways ...
Later that day, I received a call from the out-of-state clinic. It turns out I don't have to remove the polyp after all. I can if I want to (???) but the doctor sees no problem with trying to knock me up with polyp in place. "Yay!" the coordinator said, "aren't you excited?"
She tells me the next steps: I'm supposed to start b/c pills when I start my period in 2 weeks or so, then call the clinic. The coordinator will send me my calendar, and we're off to the races, with an anticipated transfer date in early September. Gulp!!
So here I was, thinking that the universe was sending me a really strong message one way, and before I can get my bearings, the wind changes suddenly and blows me in a completely different direction.
People, my people. What to do??
This is a situation I have very little control over. The Mister is perfectly happy with the anonymous situation and a bit suspicious of the open offer, as it came with very few identifying details. But if I want to wait and pursue the new offer, I know he'll go along with it. In other words, the decision of what to do right now, today, is basically up to me, as seems to have been the case with most of this endless child chase. I could delay the anonymous transfer, but if I do, sure as shit, I'll never ever hear from the potential donor ever again, and then we'll be out yet another month. It's already been so long. Right now, I'm thinking that I'll proceed as planned and hope that I hear from her before we get too close to transfer time. If things work out with the new donor, I can push out the transfer date. I know the clinic will work with a private/open donation if I set it up. They just don't facilitate those on their own.
So, it could be early September. And if it is, and if everything goes well, the baby would be a Gemini : )
Being intimately familiar with this process, I would go the anon route myself. Even IF this person is legit and not a whackadoodle, there is more legal hurdles, and you may have a significant wait on your hands. I wish you all the best no matter what you decide!
Hmmm, seems you and I are on a reverse polarity with our lives lately. :-) Click over here to learn about my new path http://thepathuncovered.wordpress.com
Posted by: Shelli | July 10, 2010 at 06:28 AM
As the saying goes, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. You could email the woman back and just lay everything on the table and tell her that you need to make a decision ASAP about an anonymous donor opportunity, but it is your preference to have a known donor and that if she has serious interest to get back with you as soon as possible. What's the worst that could happen...you don't hear from her, which might happen anyway, you know?
Also, I wonder about the polyp...will you go ahead without removing it? I wonder how much it will affect your chances? I know FETs aren't cheap.
Anyway, I'm excited for you whichever route you choose!
Posted by: Shannon | July 10, 2010 at 01:59 PM
HOLY SHIT!!!
I am trying to catch up on blogs and this is a HUGE post!!! wow!!!!!!!
But where is the update?????
(& phew on the polyp)
Posted by: Calliope | July 17, 2010 at 11:21 AM