Odds & ends ... oh, and are you a 40-something career girl with kids on board?

I can't gather my head together enough to post a coherent post, so here are some current bullet points:

• We went to visit the out-of-state clinic whose embryo donation program we've been investigating. We liked them, they liked us, and, despite the fact that we would only be able to obtain generic information (medical, ethnic, etc.) about the embryos' genetic parents, we're seriously considering moving forward with this. Like in the next few months or so.

• I'm freaking out about what-ifs: What if I can't handle being a parent to two kids plus my career? What if I'm too tired? What if I'm too old? What if I wasn't supposed to have more than one child? What if we can't afford two kids? What if I get pregnant with twins? What if the whole thing tanks and we've wasted another $X,000? What if the whole infertility thing was the universe's message to me, a big fat hint saying "you waited too long, you stupid woman, just give up already. Be happy with what you have." What if???

• I applied for a new job. Not that there's anything wrong with my old job -- it's a great job, practically my dream job, well-suited to my abilities and likes. But it's a job with a nonprofit, and oh my lord I'm so tired of being broke. I went to law school so that I could afford a house and a grand piano, and I've got the house but will never be able to afford the piano at this rate, and if things go on like they have been, I won't be able to afford the house for much longer. And oh, yes, of course there's the wee small problem of someday having to pay for retirement and college at the same time. Ha!! You see, I'm married to a freelance writer, folks, and it's not exactly the right economy to rely on that kind of work if what you need is a steady paycheck. It would be one thing if we could live on my paycheck and the Mister's was extra, but believe it or not, it's actually been the reverse for the past 4 years. Yes, indeed, the Mister's writing talents and Big City network created a steady flow of very very lucrative work. Amazingly lucrative. It paid for two IVFs and an adoption, plus allowed us to buy organic food and way too many books, and travel a bit now and then without worrying about whether we could afford it. Now, however, with the economy all ebbing and crashing, he might bring in several hundred dollars per month or many thousands, depending on the workflow -- but it's no longer something we can rely on. We can't predict it more than a month out, and he really doesn't have a lot of control over it. It just depends on which company has money to hire writers in any given month. We've been squeezing our pennies hard, but it's not a sustainable model. I want to be able to have some savings and pay for preschool for Squeaker and daycare for Little Embryo and have someone clean my house for me every so often. At this point, none of that is really possible, and the stress keeps me up at night when, as y'all are probably tired of hearing, I desperately need my sleep. In fact, although my current employer has been gracious enough to let me work 4 days/week, which saved us having to pay for 5 days of nannying, and gave me time to keep our lives in order (sort of), I'm starting back up to a 5-day schedule next month. I have no choice -- we need the money. Which means that the Mister will be wrangling Squeaker by himself on a weekday, which will wreak havoc with any projects that might happen to need his attention on those days. And we can't afford to pay for another day of childcare every week. All of which means that I'll have less time to manage our household on my days off. So, when I saw an ad for a job with the in-house law department of a national company, a job for which I'm mostly qualified (under-qualified in some areas but over-qualified in the areas that really count), a job that could pay twice (twice!!) what I'm making now, I jumped on the application.

• Of course, starting a new job and getting pregnant at the same time is not the optimal situation, so I'm worrying about that. Note that I haven't been called for an interview yet (and, with the rising number of out-of-work lawyers, I may never be called for the interview), nor have we even told the clinic that we're moving forward with the embryo transfer (and the embryos might not survive the thaw and the pregnancy might not take and, if it does take, it might not last). But it's in my nature to plan and worry for the future, so in my head, I'm moving full-speed towards the worst-case scenario, which -- if I stop to think about it -- is also the best-case scenario in many many ways.

• What I really need is to hear from older moms out there. Anyone who got pregnant in their 40s will do, although I'd love to hear from moms who became pregnant with donor gametes in their mid-40s and who also work full-time. Are you out there? Am I crazy? Is this possible, what I'm trying to do? Is it possible to be an executive type and birth a kid while raising a toddler and maintain one's sanity while barreling towards menopause?

• Oh, and one more thing. My in-laws arrive on Tuesday. I'm hoping it will be a drama-free visit, but I'm not holding my breath. With luck, Squeaker's current level of charm and non-stop energy should help defuse the usual tension. At a minimum, we're hoping they'll watch him so we can have a Date Night. It's been months ...

Comments

[Suzy]

Well, you're a great mom, so I think you should be legally required to have more babies. If you don't, Sarah Palin will pull ahead, and have more babies named Tripp and Archipelago.

Someday, the economy will recover, and Mister will resume earning mucho dinero from his writing skills (feel free to share his secret leprechaun pot o' gold with me, most writers are underpaid). Don't miss the embryo window now, unless you genuinely think the economy will NEVER recover to the point where he will recapture at least a significant percentage of his former earning power.

[niobe]

Um...old(er) mom? That would definitely be me. I'm in my 40s, with two little ones (a 16-month-old and a 6-week-old). Oh, and an 18-year-old.

Now, to be fair, the two little ones were born via surrogacy, so I didn't do the pregnancy part. But the working full-time as a lawyer + toddler + baby (+ bonus teenager) -- that's exactly where I am.

[Shinejil]

Freelancing and stable finances. Oil and water. :)

You are a brave woman. Though I think if you long for another child, you'll be able to manage it. That said, how realistically do you feel you can plan? (I ask this in a completely neutral way--I terribly underestimated the demands just one would have on my ability to focus and work). If you have more resources, will you be able to get more help? If so, then more power to you! Go for it.