Looking for some good help

Okay, so I get nominated for an award and promptly lose the ability to blog. Sigh. Probably why I'm currently in last place! Either that, or I'm among such amazing company with regard to the other nominees, that I should feel honored just to have my name listed with theirs. I've looked at these mamas' blogs -- phew! I am, indeed, humbled.

So ... what's up ....

Oh, well, because the Mister and I don't have enough going on in our lives, what with trying to hold down two full-time jobs on part-time hours while caring for an almost-8-week-old baby (whose colic is a lot better, thanks very much, and we're still exploring the possibility of food allergies and/or lactose intolerance) -- since all of that doesn't really keep us busy, even when we add caring for a strong-willed Dog and two very white Cats (and the pack of Fleas that the Dog brought home from the dog park, whee!) -- we're now Nanny Hunting and House Hunting. I'll tell you about the nanny today -- house hunting with the Mister deserves a post unto itself.

The situation is this -- I've been working 3 mornings per week at the office and "working from home" the other two half-days. Of course, the "working from home" days have turned into "trying to keep Squeaker from completely losing his shit all day long" days. Very valuable in terms of bonding with my child; not so valuable in terms of making money and keeping up with my job.

I'm planning to keep working part-time while using up my FMLA leave little by little, but for both financial and business reasons, I need to step up my hours so that I'm in the office 4 partial days per week. And we've decided that we're not comfortable having Squeaker in daycare while he's so young. Maybe later when he can talk to us about what happens there; right now it's not the best choice for us. We have friends who would like to do childcare swaps for a day here and there, which will be great if I decide to take Fridays off, but it isn't workable as a regular solution to our childcare needs. So we're looking for someone to come in when I work, preferably a student or older person who loves babies and is okay with part-time hours and a slightly-under-market wage. Since the Mister works from home, he can handle any dire emergencies if they arise, and we wouldn't need the nanny to do cooking, cleaning, or carpooling. We really just need someone to make sure Squeaker is comfortable and entertained when I'm working so that the Mister can get work done during that time. But still -- I want to find the best caregiver we can.

Of course, I have no idea whatsoever how to find such a person! I've put the word out among our friends and already received a promising lead from a co-worker. But I also signed up on what amounts to a local nanny-parent dating website. The parents and the potential nannies each fill out a profile -- age of children, experience of the nanny, hours per week, child-raising philosophies, desired wage rate -- and then the site matches you up, or you can search for yourself. Correspondence can be anonymous or you can give them all of your info, and even post a photo or two. I've had several nibbles to my post already, and will be setting up interviews this week. A friend sent us a list of interview questions, and I'm open to receiving more (hint hint). So far, so good.

But then there's the whole nanny tax thing. Holy mother of god, what in the world was the government thinking, requiring normal people to track employment and tax paperwork like we're corporations?!  Between parsing the various requirements of the IRS, Social Security folks, federal employment rules, state tax department and state employment department, I feel I'm studying for the damn bar exam again. And I'm a lawyer!! How in the world do normal people navigate this stuff?! Or do they just say "screw it" and take their chances on getting caught? Or perhaps they are just blithely unaware that the requirements exist, and I'm only being tortured with it because I'm a rule-follower who follows political scandals like they're my favorite soap operas? Anyway, I've found some helpful websites and software that seems like it will make the payroll and tax-withholding part of things go relatively easily, and our tax guy can help me file the returns. But I'm quite sure I'm missing something somewhere ... still need to spend some time with it.

Of course, I could hire through a nanny service or use a payroll service, but that's just more money that we don't have and it seems so ... well ... let's just say that the Mister and I are not high-society or chi-chi kind of folks. The very fact that I'm using the word "nanny" makes me uncomfortable, but "glorified babysitter who I expect more from than just sitting with my baby" is a bit cumbersome. I don't feel rich enough to have a nanny in the first place, and I certainly don't feel rich enough to pay someone to pay my nanny for me. So unless I put Squeaker in daycare, which I don't want to do, I have to figure all of this out.

I'm going to open this up to the working moms out there. Those of you who had to head back to work while your kids were still tiny -- how did you handle childcare? If you have hired nannies or currently have a nanny, how did you go about it? What traps should I avoid? And is the nanny tax stuff something that eventually gets easier? Any favorite tricks you used?

Comments

[Rachel]

I have no advice about how to hire a nanny/babysitter, having been tremendously intimated by everyone I interviewed (but oh so glad to have a professional around to assure me that everything is fine). As for the paperwork, my friends have gone the route of finding a nanny service that charges you month by month for their services, letting them do a month of your paperwork, then canceling the service but using the amount that they deducted as a guideline to make sure that you are doing everything correctly. I certainly don't feel able to take on the paperwork myself. I figure they over-charge anyway, and I'd rather spend my money on my daycare provider than an agency with nifty software.

[Kelly]

You could be really snooty-patootie and call your caregiver your "au pair"...so very French, n'est ce pas??

[ekosina]

Here's some advice: DON'T invite your mother in law to move into your 2-bedroom apartment with you for 6 months to save money on childcare. :-) Find the best child care you can afford, or you'll worry and nobody (you, your child who can sense such things, your caregiver, your boss and even your co-workers) will be happy.

[niobe]

When my older son was a baby we had a nanny. I did all the tax stuff myself and it was a major pain.

I loved the nanny and she was great with our son. The one piece of advice I have is to make sure that your son has the opportunity for interacting with other children on a regular basis, if at all possible. While it doesn't make much difference for a very young infant, once a baby is old enough to observe and copy others, he will learn a tremendous amount from them.