Observing my community

One of my favorite parts of this blog is when I get to move people from "On the Journey" to "Pregnant Folks." I'm incredibly excited for the ever-amazing Almamay, my "twin sister" in England, happily pregnant at 43-1/2 (with her own eggs!!) after a doctor finally noticed and removed her uterine septum. Of course, once people become "Pregnant Folks", I fret and worry over them until (phew!) I can move them to "Children on Board." Congratulations, Rachel, on the birth of your beautiful daughter!

Infertility builds a strong bond, but it also makes me hyper-aware of certain situations. For instance, last night the Mister and I were introduced to a co-worker's girlfriend at a holiday party. Girlfriend works at the Great Big Fertility Clinic in our city. I eyed her carefully, wondering in what capacity she works -- I know she's not a doctor, so is she a nurse? Embryologist? Phlebotomist? Back office? "Business is really slow," she said casually, "due to the economy." All the people standing around us nodded. To them, it was just another case of someone's business being slow. But I immediately thought of all the exhausted couples, all of my IF sisters weeping their hearts out because another month, another cycle is going to pass, more time is going to go by with no children because those assholes running the banking system made their precious savings disappear. I meant to keep my thoughts to myself, but "If it weren't so damned expensive, business might be better," I heard myself spit out. Co-worker's Girlfriend gave me the eye, clearly catching on that she was dealing with someone who had been in the trenches. "Well, yes, it is expensive," she mumbled. "Insanely expensive!" I echoed, at which she quickly sidled off to talk to someone with less attitude.

Hmph.

And the other night when our neighbors were over, the topic of adoption came up. "Oh, I'm adopted," said Mr. Neighbor. I immediately added him to my mental list of "adults I know who were adopted," which currently includes my grandfather, my sister-in-law, the girl from Korea who was in my brother's kindergarten class, and my hairdresser. "But," he continued, "the laws in the state where I was born are so tight that I may never be able to get any information about my birth parents." He seemed okay with his tightly closed adoption (which I take as a complement to his adoptive parents), but I wonder if there's more under the surface.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Neighbor, who is Russian, started telling us that if you go to some of the former Soviet republics and live for awhile, you can adopt a child without going through an agency. You "just" find a woman who wants to place her child for adoption and then go to the government and tell them this is your baby and could you please get a passport for the baby? This seemed a bit far-fetched to the Mister and I -- we suspect large bribes might be involved. And of course it's fiscally and linguistically impossible for us to do something like this. But it was interesting to hear her talk about it as if this solution were so simple and obvious she couldn't believe we hadn't tried it first!

Comments

[Almamay]

Thank you for mentioning your British (and American) twin in London. I feel scared to death seeing my name under the Pregnant Folks category.

I'm glad you said something to the woman working at the IVF clinic. It is sinful how much they charge.

Keep strong. x

[shinejil]

Oh, large bribes are most certainly involved in any transaction involving foreigners in the Former Soviet Union. Alas, Russians often have the weirdest ideas about adoption I've encountered anywhere.

[shinejil]

Oh, large bribes are most certainly involved in any transaction involving foreigners in the Former Soviet Union. Alas, Russians often have the weirdest ideas about adoption I've encountered anywhere.

[eggedout]

I know a woman who has adopted two children from Mexico (over 30 years ago). I asked her about it and she told me it wasn't a formal adoption. She and her husband were living there and a young woman (maybe a teen) was going to have a baby and didn't want to raise it and so gave it to my friend the day the baby was born. A week later, my friend went to the US Embassy and said she had a baby and wanted a passport, etc, for it and that was that. The same thing happened a few years later. I was so surprised. I had never heard anything like that.