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December 06, 2008



really interesting. glad you at least had the experience to pull all that together, before your home study is even done.

I agree with your reasoning about open adoption and it's good to hear you found a way to state your views without pushing them.

also impressive she wrote that note to you. takes guts.


I can't imagine the emotions you guys went through on this one. Perhaps a thought at one time that it wasn't the right path, then maybe it was and then wondering why? It seems as if it's a whole new range of emotions and reactions to deal with than you're used to...or maybe not. Regardless, my uneducated view on this one is that when it's the right choice on both sides, then poof* magic happens. I wish it for you soon. (And I can't help but be impressed with the birth mother writing you a note...I can't even get my nieces to send thank yous!)


Sigh. Thank you for sharing this story, it must have been hard to write. After dealing with loss, I am sure this was an open door of totally new emotions for the two of you.

I hate that we are wired to assume disappointment. A sad reality of infertility.


I don't know what to say. I kept hoping the story would end differently. I want that fairy tale for you. I'll always hope. But that doesn't mean I don't want to kick the universe's ass about this.


wow - another roller coaster ride for you, huh? I'm sorry this is the way it had to end - with disappointment instead of elation.

I hope a better ride is waiting out there for you just around the corner.


I'm sorry it didn't work out; this cycle of tentative hope and letdown must be grinding. I'm still sure that the right one will come along; I just hope it happens soon.


Wow, i too was waiting to get to the end...so sorry it ended up this way. But in a strange way it was meant to, right? Hoping for a new road to open up soon for you....it will, I just know it. xoxoxoxo

the Babychaser

So how are you taking all of this? You seem pretty matter-of-fact about it, but even I (with no concrete interest in the outcome) was feeling pretty worked up reading it.

I don't know if I could cope with that sort of thing. (Then again, I didn't think I could cope with miscarriage or IVF, or even IF, for that matter.) I'm so impressed with your stamina and strength. Then again, I'm also thinking that it's one of the reasons we want to go with international adoption, should we go down that road.

Take care. If you're really broken up about this and want to tell us that, too, please let us know. This is a really good place for that kind of thing.


I'm so sorry. We had a similar experience. A couple of months later, I started experiencing the strangest shift in personality - I was very bitter - and felt very disconnected from the world around me. It took my therapist to say "DUH, you've had another major loss!".
She helped me realize this is no different than a miscarriage, and that it is important to grieve.
Odd part is, I hadn't even thought about it that way until that moment.
Take care of yourself. xo


I stumbled on your blog today because I've been talking about adoption with my husband, even if we are able to have a bio-kid. I started with your first page, congrats! But I went all the way back to May and have read the entire thing (sorry taxpayers of the city). I've been so touched by your experience. I am not a woman struggling with IF, though it's a fear I've always had. I'm a newly wed. I HAD to comment on this post because, through your deep disappointment, you thought of how hard that letter was for the birth mother to write and thanked her. I like you. I'm going to keep reading! Thank you for sharing your story.

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