Work-Leave Rant (cont'd)

When I woke up at 5am still obsessing about yesterday's post, I knew that I wasn't done writing about it.

First, some clarification: My company and I agree that if I work while I'm supposed to be on leave or working part-time, they will pay me for that work. That's not an issue. The issue is the fact that I would be asked to work while on leave at all, because that pretty much eradicates the whole concept of "leave."

Also, everyone at my company who takes parental leave takes FMLA leave because my company, like many small-medium nonprofits and most small businesses, doesn't offer any paid leave time.

The ironic thing is that if I were still working at the big law firm where I started my career, I would get three months' paid parental leave, no problem. And somebody else would do my work while I was gone. Not only that, but the firm would have paid $X towards IF treatments and another $X towards adoption expenses. Of course, while I was working at that place, I was working so much (nights, weekends, holidays, canceled vacations) that I couldn't even find a decent boyfriend, much less a husband, much less plan to have kids. They gave us 4 weeks' vacation annually, but I don't know anyone who ever took more than about a week and a half. That's why we got paid the big bucks, I suppose, to compensate us for having no lives.

I left that place for a big nonprofit because I wanted to enjoy my work more and have better control over my time. Coincidentally, I met the Mister in the weeks between quitting my job with the law firm and starting my new job, which I took as a sign from the universe that I had made the right decision. The new job paid about half of my old salary and the benefits weren't as great. No more IF expenses, no more adoption expenses, and only 6 weeks' paid maternity. If I'd had to take leave, my work would have been shared among the other staff attorneys. But kids weren't my focus then, so I barely paid attention to the benefits. I wasn't working nights and weekends anymore, and I liked my work.

Eventually we decided we wanted kids, and I just couldn't see raising them in the city. So we moved out west, and I started my current job. Again, it's a good job and I enjoy the work when my clients aren't driving me crazy. We live in a really nice city near most of the things we enjoy doing, and the air smells good. It's a great place to raise kids. The irony is that I make less than I did at my last job, the benefits are relatively crappy and, well, see previous rant.

I know that I'm lucky to have a job in this economy. I know that I'm lucky to have benefits, no matter how crappy, when so many people are struggling without health insurance of any kind. I know that I'm lucky to have what many lawyers consider a "fun" and "interesting" job. But if I worked for minimum wage and no benefits at (god forbid) Wal-M*art, they'd have to give me 12 weeks leave (albeit unpaid) if I wanted it, and someone else would do my work while I was gone. I could actually enjoy my family time and focus on my baby. Not that I'd be able to afford to take that much leave if I were supporting a family on minimum wage, but you see my point.

Would I take more leave if I could? You betcha. I'd take 3-6 months if someone offered it to me. I could really use a sabbatical, truth be told. Do I have to limit my leave to 2 weeks? Nope. I'm legally allowed to take 12 weeks, but I spent the last 2 years building a functioning and efficient system at work and I just don't see how I can take longer than 2 or 3 weeks at the most without having to spend the next 2 years rebuilding what falls apart while I'm gone. Could I change my mind and take more time once the child gets here? It's possible -- heck, even likely. Would I completely piss off my boss and ruin my chances of achieving what I want to at this company by doing so? Yup. Have I been looking at my other employment options in the past few months? Absolutely. Is this the right time to be changing jobs? Nope, because the jobs I'm qualified for would require another move and besides, what employer wants you to start work and then immediately take leave? Can I just let it go? Not when I'm so furious about it. Maybe eventually. But I don't see myself calming down any time in the near future.

I'm mostly angry that the opportunities didn't all line up nicely at the same time. If I could have my last job but have it be located in this city and with the benefits that the big firm offered, and if I could have met the Mister and had all those things 10 years ago, I might not even be adopting now. Instead, I'd be whining about my several kids and how much they're driving me crazy.

My monkey brain keeps screaming "not fair! not fair! not fair!" while it turns all of this over and over (and over!), and in the meantime, the universe keeps smacking me over the head with cosmic two-by-fours. There's some kind of message I'm supposed to be getting, but I'm not sure what it is. What it's telling me recently is probably supposed to be "you can't have it all," but what it sounds like in my head is "you can't have anything that is really important to you." I get that a lot from the universe, and I'm not sure what I did to piss it off like that.

Comments

[BrooklynGirl]

God, that sucks. I can't think of anything more eloquent to say than that.

[Queenie]

I so, so, so hear you. I work in the public sector, too, and really like my job. I actually have great benefits and a great leave policy, but I suffer from other problems. So, take the following assvice from someone who is currently bitter, jaded and disenfranchised: The thing I'm slowly learning is that I'm not as irreplaceable as I thought I was, and that the job matters to me more than I matter to it. Which is another way of saying, figure out what you personally want, and go for it. No one at the office is ever going to thank you for the sacrifices you're thinking of making. You may, however, just thank yourself for figuring out a way to get what you want, even if you're fearful of the professional, emotional, and financial costs of what you want.

[the Babychaser]

Oooh, that really, really sucks. I work for the government, so I don't get paid leave either. But there are a lot of us, so when I'm out on maternity leave I'm not going to have to keep my office afloat.

I really do understand what you mean about being punished by your own leave. As a trial lawyer I found that taking a vacation almost wasn't worth it--the work was there when you got back anyway, and the time you had to put in to get extensions and make up for your leave was daunting. And forget about "half-time". If you're plugged into the office, and the only one handling the problems as they arise, it will suck up all your time.

I do have some advice, which you can totally ignore if you like. I think your boss needs to understand exactly how serious this is, and what kind of trouble his org could be in if he ignores your needs. Is there any way to document what you handle in any given week or month? Because I'm thinking that a firm approach (in writing) might be your best bet. I would give him a letter telling him how things ARE going to be and what you think he should do to keep his org from going to hell while it happens. Let him know:

(1) That you WILL NOT BE WORKING the first X number of weeks after your baby arrives. He cannot punish you for this or require you to work. FMLA was designed to protect you from the kind of pressure he's putting on you. You're bringing a brand new baby into your life, and you need time to bond (and, at the risk of being too pushy, I think you need more than 2 weeks of dedicated time). And I know you know this, but these first weeks with your child are going to be so much more important than anything in the outside world.

(2) That after that time you will only be working half-time, defined as 20 hours a week, no matter now serious the circumstances are.

(3) That you really care about the organization and its cause (after all, you gave up a sweet gig for this), and that you're very worried about the kind of legal trouble that the company could get in if he doesn't take steps to protect it while you're gone.

(4) If possible, give him a manageable solution. Call a legal temp agency and see what's possible and how much it would cost. Is there any way you can put together some sort of "how to handle X" or "who to call when X happens" handbook while you're waiting? Something that would help a legal temp survive in the month (just a suggestion) that you're totally out of pocket. Then, when you're half-time, maybe they could keep the temp on to carry out your instructions?

If you've already thought about this and I'm laying on the advice when all you needed to do is rant, ignore me. But I think you can do better for yourself AND your organization. They're giving you a raw deal, and you deserve (and are legally entitled) to better treatment.

Also, if things do go to hell while you're gone, you're on record as trying to warn them.

Good luck. If you find yourself going bonkers, remember this: you'll care less about your organization when you've got the baby in your arms.

[Me]

"What it's telling me recently is probably supposed to be "you can't have it all," but what it sounds like in my head is "you can't have anything that is really important to you."

Ditto that.