Well, that was painless

Our homestudy was this afternoon and it went smooth as silk. Our counselor/social worker didn't ask anything that I considered invasive or difficult. Just a nice casual conversation plus a tour of our apartment. She took a glass of water but didn't want the snacks I had set out. We mostly sat at the kitchen table because she was writing the whole time. She seemed to write down every word we said, and she drew a little map of the apartment with notes about interesting things, like the mysterious musical instruments in the Mister's office and our 1940s rotary dial phone.

We don't have a separate room for a nursery, so there was a pause before she asked "and where will the baby go?" She seemed satisfied by my explanation -- we're planning to get rid of a few pieces of furniture in the bedroom, then get a crib and a dresser with a changing table top. I already have a rocker next to my side of the bed. Nurseries are great if you have the space, but really, we just need a place for the baby to sleep plus a place to store their clothes. Half the time s/he will get changed on the bed or the floor anyway, and we're planning to buy a house by the time that we need more space.

What is a normal weekday like for us? What do we do on weekends? How do we feel about religion? What values do we want to share with our child? How would we react if our kid came home one day and said that they were going to join a strange religious group? And "Do you read a lot?" she asked, while staring at our two enormous bookcases that are simply stuffed with books. Um.... yes...

She wanted to know how well we know our neighbors, which is a funny question to a New Yorker but totally different to someone from the PNW. We know our next door neighbors about as well as we've known any of our neighbors, which is to say that we can't remember their names half the time but we sometimes stop in the hall to chat about our dog or their kids. Well, what about friends? Do you have friends come over? Well, sometimes... We're both kind of homebodies, quite frankly. Does that mean that we'll be bad parents? Our pets are well-loved, I swear!

And what about childcare? How will you handle that? Oh yes, that will be tricky, but we have a plan -- sort of. Which is to say that we know how we'll handle the first 3 months, but after that, it's up for grabs. I could practically see her thinking, hm.... no plan for childcare. Which isn't true -- it's just that we can't say with any degree of precision that the Mister will watch them from 8-noon and then the babysitter will come in from noon to 5 and then I'll get home and take over so the Mister can keep working, although that's probably a close proximity to how it will work.

A couple times I wanted to stop and say "You do realize that we've been going through infertility treatments for so long that we don't speak in terms of 'WHEN' yet because we're so darn conditioned to 'IF"'?!! Infertility is all about if -- if the IVF works, if the IUI works, if the eggs fertilize, if the embryo implants, if I make it to the second trimester ... But with adoption, you're expected to have concrete plans and be prepared to stick to them! It's kind of a shock to one's system, honestly.

Next we have to get doctor reports (which means more doctors' visits because god knows you can never have too many doctor visits in one year), certified copies of our birth certificates and marriage certificate and five letters of recommendation, one of which has to be from a neighbor. Since we aren't completely sure what our neighbors' names are, this part will be interesting.

We have to turn in 4-page autobiographies for each of us, plus a "dear birthparents" letter introducing ourselves, plus a photo collage. Those projects are all in various stages of completion already. Then next Monday I go in for an individual interview and the Mister has his interview on Wednesday. After that, I'm fuzzy on the details, but I'm sure it involves paying the agency some more money ...

After the counselor left, the Mister turned to me and said "wow, this process is so much easier than I thought it was going to be!" For today, he was right. As the resident "glass half empty" person in this relationship, I'm still stuck in the land of "if", so I'm not unfastening my seatbelt just yet!

Comments

[Aegina]

Whew! Speaks volumes that you viewed this experience as relatively easy. I'm just glad something recently went smoothly -- and I look forward to the mental shift to "when." :-)

[Heather]

I'm glad it went well! The actual homestudy document is kinda cool; they do a sort of virtual tour of your home, noting interesting features/items that reflect who you are. That's probably what the map was for. I feel like our house is being featured in a magazine when I read it. :)

[luna]

so interesting reading about your experience, especially since mine is so fresh. my 1:1 was today. glad you're feeling a little relieved. I have to say I do like the if/when switch too...

[the Babychaser]

Sometimes I wonder if the adoption process will seem easy in comparison to the IF "process". I find it interesting that, over the past three years, I have gradually changed from "when" I have kids to "if" I have them. I can't imagine changing back.

I think you're amazing, and can't wait for that "if" to change to a "when" for you.

[Mrs.X]

So glad to hear that it went well and was anti-climactic. The easier each step is, the easier the entire process will seem. Wishing you continued good luck (particularly with the neighbors. I shudder to think about asking ours next doors for recommendation).

[duck]

you're right it's a when! so exciting!!!!

[shinejil]

So glad things went well and you're moving forward.

Don't these folks know that the world laughs at plans?

[shinejil]

So glad things went well and you're moving forward.

Don't these folks know that the world laughs at plans?