Luna posed some good questions in her comments to my last post. My understanding is that if we are able to work with one of the donors from our local agency, we would get all the eggs that one donor produces in one cycle. I know there are clinics or agencies (not sure which ones) where you can save money by doing a split cycle with another couple. Each couple gets half of the eggs from the cycle, and then whatever happens, happens. I don't think that's an option for this agency, but I don't know that for sure. I don't think that would be our preference, however, as we're hoping to get a couple of kids from a single donor cycle -- whether at the same time or with one fresh and one (or more?) frozen transfer(s).
For you nonexperts playing at home, this means that if there are 12 eggs and 8 of them make good embryos, we would transfer two and hope they stick, then freeze the rest. If the fresh cycle doesn't work or if it worked and we wanted another child, we'd do a frozen cycle later. Frozen embryos don't always survive the re-thaw, but my guess is that if they're good quality, they have a better chance. Because the quality of the donor's eggs will presumably be much higher than the quality of my eggs, we wouldn't transfer more than 2 fresh. Not sure what the limit would be for frozen.
Somehow, when I start talking about fresh vs. frozen, I start thinking about bags of frozen peas ...
I spoke with the agency yesterday. Alas, Donor D, the Mister's Special Favorite, is in the midst of her 4th cycle and wants to take a long break afterwards, perhaps forever. I really can't blame her. That's a lot of poking and prodding and bloating and hormone surges, all for the benefit of people you don't know. Donor C hasn't cycled in several years, and the Agency Lady sort of steered me away from her, mumbling something about age. I re-checked this, and the poor woman is 30. Gasp! She's ancient! Not. If I were 30, I'd be absolutely delighted -- oh, the mistakes I could undo! But for a donor, she's on the cusp of viability. More signs that this process is completely whacked.
The Agency Lady couldn't offer any more info about Donor B than the clinic did. Which brought the conversation around to Donor A. The Agency Lady loooooves Donor A. Couldn't say enough positive things about her personality, intellect, athleticism. I was on the watch for a snow job -- is Agency Lady just selling me sunshine in hopes of getting her slice of the fee? But no, she seemed very sincere, and she comes highly recommended by the folks at my clinic. So I started to believe her. Then I went back and looked at Donor A's profile, which had been updated since the last time I looked at it. She's funny and snarky and poetic and interesting. And, except for the color of her eyes, she looks a lot like me. So I asked Agency Lady to check with Donor A, who is on her first cycle now, and find out whether she'd be interesting in cycling again in a few months. She said she would, and that she'd get back to us.
So that should all be very exciting, but now I feel like I'm back to square one because there's nothing I can do but wait. I was kind of hoping that this process would move more quickly than adoption. The fact that it's already a hurry-up-and-wait kind of thing is making me nuts. Which makes me think that I might as well keep filling out adoption paperwork, just in case this all goes to hell. I hate the way that time is ticking away. Hate it hate it hate it.
As more proof that it's not just my eggs that are aging, my ophthalmologist recently gave me a prescription for progressive lenses. Which is a polite way of saying bifocals. Oh sure, rub more salt in my wounds! Thanks very much, universe, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Honestly. You're too kind.
We are in the same place. I hope our donors come through for us soon. The decision was the hard part and now I am ready to go.
My eyes are going bad, too...
Posted by: Egged | March 26, 2008 at 09:50 PM
I love your comment about the peas. I'm sure it must kind of seem like that, huh? Or more like speed dating. I couldn't agree more about time ticking away. I giggle now (with a hint of a sneer) when I remember at the ripe old age of 35 thinking, I've got plenty of time. Nothing has aged me like the perception of my infertility.
So do you meet your donor at all or is that even something you would want to do?
Posted by: Melanie | March 27, 2008 at 10:26 AM
You're right -- all of this is dizzying. And I'm always amazed at the age restrictions -- as a then-40-year-old, I could never have donated the egg that created Rachael -- nor could my sister-in-law have donated the egg that became my nephew Jack (she was 41). But, biased as I am, I think they both turned out fine. Good luck with everything -- it sounds as if things are shaping up, and you are wonderful, blurry eyes and all! (Yeah, I've got presbyopia, too!)
Posted by: Aegina | March 27, 2008 at 06:21 PM
New reader here — just found your blog. I am looking forward to following along and cheering you on. (Our donor was 31. I hope her cycle didn't cause her to miss any AARP meetings or anything.)
Posted by: Julie | March 28, 2008 at 09:28 AM
the waiting must be so hard, I'm sure you'd like to get started on your own timetable. btw, my step-SIL transferred 2 donor embryos and just gave birth to twins... ~luna
Posted by: luna | March 28, 2008 at 10:28 AM