Into the Looking Glass

I suspect that every part of this DE cycle is going to be strange.  I called the DE coordinator at my clinic yesterday to see where to start.  The first part is testing and counseling.  Apparently, I won't have to do most of the pre-cycle tests because we've already done them.  So that's good.  The counseling part we will have to do.  This annoys me a bit, since I know it's going to go something like this --

Counselor: "Please tell me about your grief." 

Me and the Mister: (blank looks). 

We really don't have a lot of Couple Grief.  Plenty of Couple Sarcasm, Couple Dark Humor, Couple Sick Jokes, but not a lot of Couple Grief, at least not much that we care to 'fess up to.  Of course, there is  always the slim chance that the counselor will catch us when I'm having a low blood sugar day, in which case, it will be more like this --

Counselor:  "Please tell me about your grief." 

Me:  "Bwaaaaa!" (non-stop 24-hour tears). 

Either way, something to look forward to -- whee.

The Mister and I have selected four donors to research a bit more.  The coordinator was able to tell me a little about three of them, since they have all cycled at my clinic before.  Donor A looks a lot like me and is just starting her first cycle.  There isn't much info about her yet.  Donor B is really bright and looks a lot like my favorite cousin, but has never cycled before, so is a complete unknown to us and the clinic.  Donor C is a proven donor, looks a lot like my favorite cousin, and, according to the coordinator, is really nice and very good to work with.  But the Mister isn't in love with her. 

You see, Donor D has emerged as the Mister's Special Favorite.  She's obviously bright and has an interesting family background.  The Mister says she looks the most like me (which I'll take as a compliment, because she's lovely) and seems to have her life together more than the others.  She's also a very excellent donor prospect, having one child of her own already, and two previous donor cycles, each of which produced positive pregnancies.  If she ended up being our donor and our cycle worked, our child would have a group of half siblings already, who might never know each other, and whom our child might never actually meet.  Would I tell him/her about them?  Would we ever have any way to contact them?  Would we want to?  I know people do this all the time, but what would we do?  (You see what I mean about all of this being very strange.)  I think Miss D is either cycling now or just got done cycling, so she might not be willing to go into another cycle so soon, or at all.  We'll have to find out. 

I also placed a call to the donor agency to try to get more information, but since it was Friday afternoon (and Good Friday, and the weekend before spring break starts), I just got message machines.  We'll have to continue the interrogations next week.

So that's where we are now.  It's completely bizarre talking about these young women (behind their backs!) in terms of their ages, looks and personalities and, oh yes, the number of eggs and babies they've produced.  Another blogger described the process as being like a guy, and it really does make me think that I'm evaluating them as future dating prospects -- or, more accurately -- future mothers of my children!!!  Seriously, if I think too much about it, I can see why the clinic and agency involve counselors in the process.  Some folks must get totally spooked by all of the moral/ethical/genetic complexities.

How does one move forward?  Maybe it ends up like giving yourself shots in the belly.  The first time you think "god, I can't believe I'm about to shoot myself in the belly with this big-ass needle."  The second time you think, "well, the first time didn't kill me, here goes again."  By the 10th time, you're talking on the phone while you're doing it, even though stopping to think about what "it" is is absolutely out of the question because it gives you the creeps. Not that I totally got over giving myself belly shots.  But it didn't scare me so much after the 20th time.  You know?  Although I suppose crack addicts probably could say the same thing ...

In other news, I had my hair done today.  I was in big trouble with my stylist because the last time I was in was December.  My hair looked like hell, and I'm sure he was afraid people were going to think it was his bad cut that did it.  I explained that actually, I would never have made it that long without his good cutting skills, then explained the whole bar exam thing to him.  He seemed to understand how that might mess with one's hair appointments.  We left it at that.  I just couldn't go into the explanation about IVF cycles and doctors' appointments and acupuncture and ... well, dammit, I've been a little busy. 

Comments

[Almamay]

Wow. Your observation about doing the injections hit me like a ton of bricks. So true it's not true.

[luna]

sounds like you have some good prospects moving forward. how does that work? do you get dibs on all the eggs she produces with one cycle so you could get some frosties too? or do you just get the number needed to produce the embryos you want for one cycle? and don't forget, you will still be the mother of your child! but I know what you mean.

glad you finally got your hair done too. ~luna