Okay, so apparently I lied about not posting very much during the crunch study time. I think writing must help me blow off steam. Of which there is lots. It's been a long time since I took Constitutional Law, and it's kicking my butt. Oh, and I discovered last night that the Advanced Drills portion of my study questions book is missing 30 pages. This is the book that already weighs 6 or 8 pounds on its own. Imagine if it had all its pages!
I intended to have a nice seamless post about open adoption, but got a bit derailed by a rant that's been building in my head for awhile. I've wandered across some blogs recently where the woman's partner is completely against the idea of assisted reproduction -- won't discuss it at all. Not because it's too early in the process and they haven't given it the college try, but because he Doesn't Want to Talk About It. No medicated cycles, no IUI, definitely no IVF, nothing whatsoever except trying again and again the old-fashioned way. I'm trying to get my head around this, but just can't. My heart goes out to the women who find themselves in (and stay in) those relationships, and to the men I can only say "WTF?!" I know, I know, one shouldn't judge without knowing the whole story, but come on guys -- we live in the modern world, all of these marvelous technologies are available to us, and if you've been having unprotected sex for 7 years without once getting pregnant, there is quite probably something wrong somewhere. And your beautiful wife or partner -- who you are supposed to love and want to make happy -- is aching for a baby so much that she is out blogging on the internets just to find company among those who understand her pain; she's weeping her heart out every night, and you still have the cojones to say no? I just. Don't. Understand. I can see if you're completely broke and can't afford it, or if you've tried a bunch of options and your relationship is getting stressed, or you'd tried a few procedures that went nowhere, or you are getting your heart broken from seeing your wife's/partner's heart broken time after time. That kind of "no" I get. That kind of "no" says "honey, I'm really sorry; we've done the best we can given the scope of what our marriage/relationship can handle." But to not even want to think about it, or discuss it, ever? If the Mister hadn't been willing to explore all of our options, I'm not sure I would have stayed in the relationship. Really, it would have been the most fundamental disconnect of disconnects, for me. (Several days from now, he'll probably read this and wipe his brow in relief.) Of course, if he were one of Those Guys, I wouldn't have married him in the first place, so it's kind of a moot point for us. But seriously -- what am I missing here? Is it a philosophical problem? A manhood thing? Loss of control? Just plain fear? What do you think?
I totally agree! What is wrong with a man like that? I honestly think it hurts their pride to think they cannot get "their women" pregnant! Like they are less of a man. I would suggest some serious counseling!
Good luck with the studying ;)
Posted by: vanessa | February 17, 2008 at 11:08 AM
I think there are some men that just can't get past the idea of leaving a specimen--at least that's what it so often seems to come down to.
I know my husband was mortified by the whole thing (and I don't doubt it is embarrassing), but in the grand scheme of things, he kept his eyes on the prize. What's a little mortification among total strangers, right?
Posted by: BrooklynGirl | February 17, 2008 at 11:39 AM
I'm sure each situation is unique, but I know there are men who just can't get over the idea of making a baby that way, you know, in a lab with professional help. some men just don't want to ask for help, and would hate to rely on it. maybe they're too manly, too embarrassed? ~luna
Posted by: luna | February 17, 2008 at 08:59 PM