Yay, it's finally my one day a week when I get to stay home from work with the baby! Wish I had more energy. There's so much to do.
Why does it seem like every time I brush my hair it gets dirty? Hmmm. Oh wow, look at all this gunked-on crap on my hairbrush. Wonder what it is? Hairspray, residue of hair products? Gross. No wonder it's making my hair dirty. I could toss it and get a new one but this was an expensive brush. I'll clean it. The baby is whining, but she can wait a few minutes. I need clean hair! Gack, this is taking a long time. I can't believe I haven't washed this hairbrush in 3 years. Oh wait ... has it been longer than that? Maybe. Eeew.
God, I wish I had time to give myself a pedicure. Guess I'll settle for finally clipping this torn toenail ... oh, wait, the baby is asleep! I'll clip all my nails, yay! Maybe now my socks won't get holes in them.
When was the last time I shaved my legs? I have no idea. But the baby is sleeping! I'll just clearcut the forests of hair from the knee down ... there. Hooray! But I still feel frumpy. None of my pants fit and these jeans I got at Goodwill 2 weeks ago are too big. I look like hell.
Oops, she's awake again. Feed the baby, burp the baby, cuddle the baby.
I'm tired. I'm so tired. Holy hell, I'm tired. I feel like I'm going to throw up I'm so tired.
Switch sides. Funny how my left breast is the big producer. Poor baby almost drowns sometimes. Baby is getting sleepy again. I'll just peek at my work email while feeding the baby.
Wow, look at all those people writing to tell me I was completely wrong in the question I sent yesterday ... to every general counsel in my teensy little industry. Oops. That's embarassing. That's what I get for trying to cram a new regulatory scheme into my head while feeding the baby, eating breakfast and force-feeding my 3-year-old. Too bad none of them know I've been on maternity leave -- they might cut me some slack. Damn, that was a dumb question. Can't believe I sent it.
Did I mention I'm tired?
Hm, the baby's sleeping. I'm hungry. Why does it seem like there's nothing to eat when our fridge is packed full? Oh, maybe I'd better toss some old stuff out. Hey, look -- moldy bread, rotten lunch meat, shriveled olives, several jars of homemade stuff that people gave us 2 Christmases ago .. no, 3, was it 4? Hm. When did we order this pizza? It was definitely before last weekend. Not sure. Lettuce is turning slimy, strawberries are shriveled ... yogurt expired in December. Homemade pesto made before I gave birth ... Let's haul all this stuff out to the compost, wash the containers for recycling, put empty jars in the dishwasher ... Okay, fridge is clean. And basically empty.
I'm still hungry. Oh wait, the baby woke up.
Feed the baby, change the baby, oops -- baby poos on the changing table before I can get a diaper on her, clean up the baby's mess, diaper the baby, dress the baby. I always used to wonder why the Boy never had blowout diapers. Now I know. We fed him formula. Breast-fed babies = explosive yellow poo. Who knew?
Noon. Baby is babbling at me. What to do with the rest of the day?